This is not me in this picture. But it was so ridiculous I couldn't pass it up.

I’m so over this colon. Its like a pair of jeans that I’ve had forever that I refuse to get rid of. They were great and useful, but now they have a ton of holes in them. But for some reason, I’m hesitant to throw them out. Granted throwing out my favorite denim is a tad different than removing my colon, but you know, same principal. With all the problems and discomfort that I get from this dang thing, you’d think that I’d be more than jumping at the bit to get rid of it. But I’m not. I’m not at all. I’m more than pumped about the possibility of getting rid of it and feeling healthy and maybe getting part of my life back, but the road to get there just seems so daunting. It feels endless. Not only does it feel endless but the road has a damn colostomy bag involved with it. The road is gross. The road is filled with potential problems and questions and uncertainty.

Can you tell I like metaphors?

I have been pondering this surgery for a few weeks now and in that time I have talked to a few nurses and asked a few people at various stages in their surgeries a barrage of questions. I’m pretty sure my last Q an A session ended with “Did you wake up with a butt tube?”  So I’m not afraid to ask questions, but am I a little afraid of some of the answers? Affirmative.

Every time my stomach grumbles, I think about chopping old the ‘ol colon. Every time I sit on the toilet. Every time I second guess eating something. Every time I worry about the location of a bathroom. Every time I am humiliated in one way or another by this disease….I know I need this surgery.

Much like many people out there who are in my diseased bowel shoes, the surgery sounds like a god send. It sounds like an answer to all of our problems, aside from one thing. The one thing that makes me and I’m sure others second guess the WHOLE thing. The one thing that makes me consider living like this for the rest of my life because I can’t even fathom it. You know what I’m talking about. I swear I could just not even say it and we’d all be on the same damn page. But for those of you who are reading this with your head cocked to the side in confusion….its the colostomy bag. Yea, that thing. That super gross thing that makes us all feel disgusting and subhuman. It terrifies me. Its ugly, its stuck to you, and its def a damper for intimacy. I mean seriously, I know people get around it, but how? How do you even think about sex with that thing attached to you.

Yea I said it.

I think I’d probably swear off sex for the entirety of stage one of my surgeries. I cannot imagine living like that permanently.

Yea, I said that too.

I’m not one for sugar coating. I still don’t know what I’ll do just yet. You know, through all of this, since the very beginning of diagnosis I have told myself it can’t get any worse. And without fail, every single time, it has gotten worse. I have had the most ridiculous UC journey, that if it wasn’t me, I might point and laugh. (Eh maybe not, but I would probably talk about me behind my back). It almost seems fitting that I go out with a bang. That this redonkulous ride called UC would end with the removal of a large organ and the attachment of a colostomy bag. Everyday, slowly but surely, I’m getting over this…but I’m not gonna like it.

P.S.  I’ve found the overwhelming urge to write about this crap probably more than usual. So I’m gonna do Jpouch double time and update every so often here and more frequently over here:  http://BloodPoopTears.wordpress.com/

These posts might also help out:

• July 20, 2011 -- 2 Years Post TakeDown (6)
• March 27, 2010 -- Colston Thomas Mills (4)
• February 25, 2010 -- Commenter with Questions (13)
• December 20, 2009 -- New website for gay people who are affected! (5)

I just created a blog to be a resource for members of the GLBT community to visit and get some answers on questions that you have been searching endlessly for. I know it’s a very taboo topic, but as a gay man, I would have loved having a place where I can go and ask any questions I want without feeling embarrassed. I have posted on jpouch.net before and got a lot of responses from people thanking me for putting information about being gay and facing the surgery. I have done a lot of research onto the topic and hope to provide some answers and/or comfort to those of you suffering.

http://gaydigest.wordpress.com/

These posts might also help out:

• July 20, 2011 -- 2 Years Post TakeDown (6)
• April 5, 2010 -- Home from Surgery #1 (1)
• March 27, 2010 -- Colston Thomas Mills (4)
• February 25, 2010 -- Commenter with Questions (13)

How long after surgery should you wait to have sex (as a women)? I have read 6 weeks on the mayo clinic website, but the surgeon didn’t even mention anything to me.

The “six week rule” is a good one for many activities. As we’ve said before on this site, six weeks is the time after which your tissue (muscle, etc.), when examined under a microscope, is back to its pre-surgery state. About.com’s article on sex after surgery has a number of questions for you to answer to determine if you are ready (physically and mentally) and that might be a good place to start:

• Do I feel like having sex? Do I have the energy at this time?
• Are there certain positions that may be more comfortable than others?
• Do I need to avoid putting pressure on a certain areas, such as an incision line?
• Will we need to take any special measures? Some surgeries, such as vaginal surgeries, may cause dryness and make a lubricant necessary. Other surgeries, such as prostate surgery, may make an erection difficult to obtain and/or maintain, and may require medication or an additional procedure in order to maintain an erection.
• Is there any reason to avoid pregnancy? Does my surgery, medications I am currently taking or my condition make contraception important?

Keep in mind that with the Jpouch surgeries, especially if they are “open” surgeries, your entire core of muscles has been cut through. If it hurts to cough, sneeze, laugh, cry, etc., you might need to wait a while. Also, most surgeons won’t mention sex directly, but when they say to wait however long “before returning to normal activity,” remember that sex is part of that normal routine. Read the about.com article here.

These posts might also help out:

• July 20, 2011 -- 2 Years Post TakeDown (6)
• August 17, 2010 -- IBS? Nah: Irritable Vowels! (0)
• April 5, 2010 -- Home from Surgery #1 (1)
• March 27, 2010 -- Colston Thomas Mills (4)

Ideas for the layout of this website? I can handle that, too.

What is the best iPhone app to track your poo? I have tons of recommendations.

Sex? Sex with a “poo-bag”? Sex with a Jpouch? There are a few positions that work best.

Clothes? I found overalls worked the best for me. I actually made my own pair of pants tailored to my appliance. Go on, ask me.

What’s your secret, ‘I ate something wrong today’ and need to ‘re-align the planets’ food? I’ll tell you my answer if you ask. Seriously I have one food that will slow it all down (for me) and let me start over.

What can you drink, alcohol-wise? Coffee? I love coffee, I love wine, I like beer. I have your answers, and I can still put back a few. Ask me your questions.

Why is that one guy on this site so dog-gone funny? Well, I can answer most of your questions.

Leave a comment with your thoughts for this site or questions for me, my doctor-wife, or for anyone else on this site. Then check back on Monday for answers compiled as a post.

Happy Friday everyone!

These posts might also help out:

• February 25, 2010 -- Commenter with Questions (13)
• February 15, 2010 -- I’m so over this colon. (13)
• December 20, 2009 -- New website for gay people who are affected! (5)
• April 17, 2009 -- Open Forum Friday (10)