Granted, it is an “employee only” bathroom, but hey, what is the world coming to when someone poops their pants because someone else is worried about… er… what? What, exactly happens if you break the rules and let a customer into the bathroom? You get fired? They steal toilet paper? Fine.

I would gladly get fired for breaking the rules if it were in the name of humanity, decency, or any of those other words that end in a ‘y’ and connote positivity.

Here’s hoping the next clerk is a nice one.

These posts might also help out:

• June 15, 2009 -- Teen Diagnoses her Crohn’s Disease (1)
• March 15, 2010 -- “You’re Fired.” (15)
• November 10, 2009 -- Just Dance! (8)
• September 3, 2009 -- From the WTF? Files: Man East Colostomy Bag Contents (3)

For me it is offers 3 main things: 1) It eats up bad smell quickly and doesn’t just cover up the smell it removes the smell, 2) The scent of the spray goes away quickly in the air, 3) It is all natural, non-aerosol, animal testing free.

I highly recommend you try this product, you should be able to find it at your local drugstore.

These posts might also help out:

• September 16, 2009 -- Plaid Pantry Denies Bathroom to Crohn’s Customer (9)
• July 23, 2009 -- Happy Thoughts 101 (15)
• March 9, 2009 -- Relationships & Chronic Illness (4)
• February 13, 2009 -- Motivational Poop Posters (1)

This blows my mind, since I could not have done this prior to having a J-Pouch. My current level of energy is amazing. I don’t feel drained and exhausted anymore, so I’m pretty excited about feeling a quality of life I’ve long since forgotten.

Thank you everyone for your amazing support and I feel so blessed for being able to share this huge overhaul in my life. I can’t wait to see what I’m capable of when I’m done with recovery.

These posts might also help out:

• December 21, 2009 -- Update (6)
• September 16, 2009 -- Plaid Pantry Denies Bathroom to Crohn’s Customer (9)
• August 11, 2009 -- Pure Citrus – Life saver (1)
• June 10, 2009 -- The First Surgery: One Month Later (9)

Wrong on so many levels, but so true, too

I know, I know, sexist, classist, beautist, racist, and all that. Why am I posting it? Because it’s true. We should have a line of posters that we create here at Jpouch.net – they could say things like “rock stars, they get diarrhea too.”

“World Leaders, yes, they get IBD too”

“The janitor at your high school, does he have a colon? does it matter?”

Happy Friday everyone, and thanks for a great week.

Oh, and here is where that poster is from.

These posts might also help out:

• September 16, 2009 -- Plaid Pantry Denies Bathroom to Crohn’s Customer (9)
• January 20, 2009 -- On the John: Space Diapers to the Rescue (2)
• December 20, 2008 -- On the John: Crapping Robot Toilet Paper Holder (0)
• August 11, 2009 -- Pure Citrus – Life saver (1)

Now, I know J-pouchers that do crazy, extreme sports kinda shit, and I salute them! One of my good friends rock-climbs, sky dives, swims with sharks (which would really make me crap my wetsuit).  Generally, I do not find my J-pouch to be a hindrance, and although I’d love to go skydiving, I’ll skip the sharks, thank you.  Sometimes there are problems, but it’s still in its toddler phase, so what can I expect?

One good thing I have noticed, and some may find the good part debatable, is that I really cannot drink alcoholic beverages without having an instant headache. I think this may be completely unrelated to my J-pouch and more an issue with my medicines…and not that I was a raging alcoholic before, but damn I really don’t like to drink now.

I guess the thing I love most about my J-pouch is forgetting about it. Most of the time I feel like a regular ole’ coloned human.  (Even though, in reality, I am a super bad ass bionic J-pouch woman). Even amidst the Crohn’s and whatnot, it really does not bother me too much. Some guy on the jpouch.org board was asking about what life was really like with a pouch, and I honestly replied, “Sir, I heart my J-pouch.” (Can we get that on a bumper sticker puh-lease?)

But seriously, I can dance again…I can do so many little things now that before seemed like a daunting task.  Now, my main problem is simply remembering to stay motivated.  But, I have done some pretty rockin’ things with this bad boy. I went whitewater rafting on one of the most difficult rivers in the world this summer, and I made it my biach.  Class V rapids got nothin’ on this J-pouch.

So, I’d say for most of us, even those of us *a-hem* (me) with several complications, a J-pouch is a pretty great neo-organ.  I seriously cannot use it as an excuse to sit on my ass, but rather, as an excuse to make friends with it again.  To shop more, jump out of planes, to float down a river of pounding waves and sharp rocks, and market bumper stickers that will all only confound the general population.

These posts might also help out:

• September 16, 2009 -- Plaid Pantry Denies Bathroom to Crohn’s Customer (9)
• August 11, 2009 -- Pure Citrus – Life saver (1)
• July 23, 2009 -- Happy Thoughts 101 (15)
• March 12, 2009 -- Horseback riding and a J-pouch (11)

Brevin - by the glow of computer light

I just had a colonoscopy (explained by Mayo Clinic). While in the waiting room I thought of my UC in general and came up with this list. If you have Ulcerative Colitis, you know exactly what a “Colitis Incident” is. I just didn’t know what to call it. It’s when you get that urge to use the bathroom really, really bad. It’s this panicking sensation of you are going to go Number Two whether you’re ready or not. It’s not fun, but over time it gets less embarrassing, mostly because Colitis strips you of any sense of shame you might have had.  It’s a bit graphic, but we’ve all been there.

3. Great America

I’ve never been to Paramount’s Great America amusement park at the time. Colitis and roller coasters mix about as well as rabies and squirrels with little cowboy hats: it might look like fun at first, but at the end no one is laughing. But I went with a buddy of mine to help volunteer for an AIDS Walk that was taking place there, and set-up started while the park was still closed to the public. It was early in the morning and the park was abandoned except for a few volunteers routing supplies through to the main area. Abandoned amusement parks aren’t as creepy as you would think, but then again, it was light out with Spongebob memorabilia everywhere. I was walking around with a friend, admiring all of the closed exhibits and rides, when the urge came. I had no idea where I was in the park or where the nearest restrooms were. Disoriented and convincing myself that all the restrooms were probably locked by Spongebob-shaped padlocks, I resorted to going in some bushes near a basketball game exhibit, well out of the way of passerby’s. That was Colitis’s awesome way of ruining my first trip to Great America. About a year later, when I went back as an actual customer (what, they have a Spongebob Ride, in 3D!), I found the area where I had my emergency trip. It was only then that I saw that the bushes were right next to a hub of multiple security cameras. Reenacting the events in my head like an episode of CSI, I came to the conclusion that my butt cheeks were probably center stage on two of those cameras. I would like to apologize to the security guard who probably came across that thrilling moment.

2. A Valentine’s Day Gift

It was Valentine’s Day and my girlfriend at the time got me a nice gift bag filled with exotic chocolates. She made a card and placed it inside; it was really adorable. It was on the passenger seat of my truck as I was driving home one day when the urge to go hit really hard. For those with Ulcerative Colitis, you know that being in a car while having to go really bad is one of the worst situations you can find yourself in. I managed to find a parking lot, pulled in, and realized there was no way I could dart to anything remotely resembling a bathroom. The problem was there were people in the parking lot, and while I was at the far edge of the lot, I couldn’t risk getting out of my truck. I panicked to see what I had available in the car, and, as fate would have it, a giant gift bag, decorated with red hearts and filled with expensive chocolate, was all I had. Right then and there, in the front seat of my truck, I had to use a Valentine’s Day present as my bathroom. I wasn’t proud of myself as I half squatted over the bag, propping myself up with my legs. In my defense, I managed to save her hand-made card in my frantic scramble. But so much for the chocolate. This proves yet again that Colitis is not the most romantic thing in the world.

1. A Comedy Club on the Sunset Strip in LA

The urge to go came in the middle of what must have been a remarkably hilarious comedian’s routine. The men’s restroom had a urinal and a stall, but for some reason the stall was locked. I knocked, cleared my throat rather loudly, begged, the works, but nothing. Either someone died in there that night or it was out of order. I checked the lady’s room (always an excellent Plan B), but there were a group of girls in there putting on make-up in what seemed to be a giant group effort. I scrambled back to the men’s room and desperately glanced around. Then the epiphany came: I was there, the urinal was there, and heavenly rays of light shown down upon it. Yes, I dropped the trousers and somehow mounted the urinal to go number two. If you’re thinking about the logistics, I didn’t leave a mess. It was liquid and easily flushed away. In the middle of my urinal molestation session, a guy entered the bathroom. We made eye contact as he was half way through the door. I smiled and his eyes darted to the floor. A nice awkward moment of silence later, he casually backed out without a word. I still wonder what the guy thought that night. Oh, in case you were wondering, the sink was too high off of the ground.

What are your most embarrassing UC incidents?

These posts might also help out:

• January 20, 2009 -- On the John: Space Diapers to the Rescue (2)
• January 4, 2009 -- Vintage Toilet Paper Ad (2)
• December 20, 2008 -- On the John: Crapping Robot Toilet Paper Holder (0)
• February 15, 2010 -- I’m so over this colon. (13)

Wearable Toilet: Japanese Invention

Right on the heels of Lizz’s post come these high-tech space diapers: the wearable toilet project.

Engineers all over the world have focused their vast brainpower to overcome one major obstacle—space pooping. The Japanese think they have a solution with their fancy new wearable toilet.

Indeed, this is a far cry from the glorified Depends former NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak drove cross country in a couple of years back. These can detect when you relieve yourself, remove the waste with suction and clean you up after each use. They can even eliminate unpleasant sounds and odors.

Sounds? Odors? I know this is somewhat of a joke, but there were many times when I wished for a good night’s sleep and something like this.

These posts might also help out:

• December 20, 2008 -- On the John: Crapping Robot Toilet Paper Holder (0)
• February 13, 2009 -- Motivational Poop Posters (1)
• January 22, 2009 -- My Top 3 Most Embarrassing Colitis Incidents (5)
• January 4, 2009 -- Vintage Toilet Paper Ad (2)

Vintage "Soft Weve" ad

Here is a little vintage toilet paper advertising for you. The ad reads:

Now at last smart young homemakers can have color in a truly luxurious bathroom tissue. Soft-Weve – softer, nicer kind of tissue – now brings you four gay flower colors…for wonderful “mix or match” color schemes.

Nice, we could call this a little vintage sexism too with making sure those smart young homemakers can have better bathroom presentation. I guess I must not be a “Smart young homemaker” because all ll I know is that I’m glad I can now buy Seventh Generation Toilet Paper which is chlorine free, has no dyes, no chemical scents and is recycled. Although I might be failure at homemaking a pretty bathroom, making sure I keep those nasty chemicals off my heiney and the heineys in my family is very important (hehe).

Vintage ad from: Found in Mom’s Basement

These posts might also help out:

• December 20, 2008 -- On the John: Crapping Robot Toilet Paper Holder (0)
• January 22, 2009 -- My Top 3 Most Embarrassing Colitis Incidents (5)
• January 20, 2009 -- On the John: Space Diapers to the Rescue (2)
• February 15, 2010 -- I’m so over this colon. (13)

This awesome toilet paper holder is written up at boingboing as managing “to signal your literacy, robophilia, and deep commitment to bowel evacuation, all in one simple package.”

[Link]

These posts might also help out:

• January 20, 2009 -- On the John: Space Diapers to the Rescue (2)
• January 4, 2009 -- Vintage Toilet Paper Ad (2)
• February 13, 2009 -- Motivational Poop Posters (1)
• January 22, 2009 -- My Top 3 Most Embarrassing Colitis Incidents (5)

It’s for the discerning, on-the-go defecator who is brave enough to use a public bathroom, but still demands a hygienic and private bathroom experience. It is also a community authored database of Manhattan toilets.

And if you’re not in NYC, be sure to check out either the bathroom diaries or sitorsquat because, as that lovely children’s book reminds us, everyone poops.

Diaroogle.com – The Premier Toilet Search Engine.

These posts might also help out:

• September 16, 2009 -- Plaid Pantry Denies Bathroom to Crohn’s Customer (9)
• January 20, 2009 -- On the John: Space Diapers to the Rescue (2)
• September 8, 2009 -- Colitis by Numbers: Days Since Module Tracks Flares, Tapers, and more (1)
• August 11, 2009 -- Pure Citrus – Life saver (1)