Something Bit Me in the Chihuahuan Desert, and It Wasn’t a Chihuahuaby Lizz on Monday, April 9, 2012 20:13
Hello fellow colonless travelers! (Really, does that “colonless” greeting ever get old?)
I have returned from Marfa, TX, the promised land! Actually, it’s more like eccentric-artsy-fartsy- hippies-in-the-desert- in-the-best-possible-sense-land. If you are an art nerd, like me, you may have heard of Marfa, best known for the instillations and work of Donald Judd (let me google that for you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Judd) who Marfa-ed in the 70s. Its other claim-to-fame: the filming location of the Liz Taylor/James Dean movie Giant.
After driving eight freaking hours from Dallas, we arrived in this bizarro little town peppered with Border Patrol stations and surprisingly upscale restaurants. All the tourists come to see the Marfa Lights, an atmospheric phenomenon (or aliens). The car ride was great and didn’t seem that long. We took ample bathroom breaks, stopped for rockin’ West Texas BBQ, and enjoyed the gorgeous wildflowers as the landscape changed from concrete to hills, to dust, cacti, and old-ass oil well drills. Surreal, to say the least.
The trip was going swimmingly, despite the creepy late night trips to the bathroom. This is a consequence of colonless camping in the desert, or bowel-troubled camping at all. Still, doesn’t stop me! Anywho, hubbs and I were snuggled up in our tiny tent when we heard this crazy chirping sound in the middle of the night. Of course, given Marfa’s extra-terrestrial hype, I blamed every strange occurrence on aliens! “Weird midnight chirping? ALIENS!” Atmospheric phenomenon, my ass. So, I unzip the damn tent, stumble out careful to check first for scorpions or any other alien traps, and trot groggily to the bathroom. I look up to see what in the hell is making the chirping nose and it’s THE BIGGEST FUCKING BAT I’VE EVER SEEN! You guys, I’m not joking. In my sleepy stupor I looked up, squinted, and thought, “What is that hawk doing up there at night? Why is it that creepy pale yellow color? Why is it chirping? This doesn’t make sense…Holy shit, that’s a bat…” Needless to say, the shat came out easy that trip.
The next day was my birthday! Also, Easter. I love when my b-day’s on Easter. So, I celebrated by doing my own mini prayer/meditation and yoga-session mid-day and it was so loverly. I relaxed in the “hotel’s” hammock grove afterwards, and when I got up I felt this crazy intense burning/stinging pain in my wrist. I inspected the area and pulled out something… A tiny, and I mean TINY yellow bulb with a stinger attached to it. Then the burning got worse, and worse…and red, and swollen. The locals who took a look at it said instantly, “Spider bite.” Which was not really what I wanted to hear since the only two spiders I heard mentioned were Black Widows and Brown Recluses. Luckily, years of body fuck-ups prepared me to stay calm and deal. Which is what I did and I’m so proud of myself! It’s pretty amazing to remain rational when some mystery desert critter has taken a bite outta you. I felt a little weird, muscles got crampy and felt a smidge pukey, but I was prepared with antihistamines, and did I mention they sold champagne there?
Anyway, I’m back in concrete civilization with doctors, hospitals, and pharmacies and have an antibiotic rx for this puncture wound on my wrist. I just hope it doesn’t wipe out any super powers I should receive from alien spider bites.
So the moral? Marfa is awesome. Life is scary and sometimes painful, but that shit ain’t got nuthin’ on IBD! Also, we discussed that if the aliens were to come and take anyone for examination, it would have def. been me, because I had the most interesting insides. Aw
Oh, and we DID see a Marfa Light. It was red, big, asymmetrical, and flashy. Kinda what I imagine the aurora borealis would look like if it had no colon.
Update: Level II Bark Scorpion Sting. Not Alien Spider. That sounds like a bad ass video game, huh? Dr. Rx’d Prednisone for inflammation and potential lupus flare caused by poison in my blood. Also, Phenergan for the nausea and diarrhea cha cha cha. So, suck it, scorpion. I live to shit another day!