Thanks To Jamie And Hospital Recovery Activities

by on Wednesday, February 18, 2009 23:50
This entry is filed under: Support Systems

I had the pleasure of meeting fellow jpouch.net contributor Jamie and her husband Avery this past weekend for lunch. Wow. What nice people. Not only were they friendly and informative, but Jamie even brought me samples of different ileostomy bags, some reading material clearly meant for the exclusive cool crowd (J-Pouchers), and helped describe more of her experiences. I can’t thank them enough, so much so that I haven’t even put her baggy samples on ebay, claiming it belonged to someone famous. It’s great that jpouch.net provides such a strong and supportive community that we were able to talk and share offline. Jamie and Avery, you guys totally rock.
One of my greatest surprises was how normal Jamie was. Seriously, there is no way you can tell that she has any medical situations, let alone an ileostomy bag. Maybe she was totally pulling my leg. For someone concerned about the surgery, this was a huge relief. I was originally imagining something a bit worse.

NOT Jamie at all. Boy was I off.

NOT Jamie at all. Boy was I off.

One thing that came up in our conversation was that sometimes patients get rushed into surgery due to their conditions. During these emergencies, you don’t have the luxury of preparing or planning an extended hospital stay. Those lucky enough to plan their surgeries in advance should plan accordingly. I know I am. Here are my Top 4 Things To Do in the Hospital While Recovering:

4. Write a Novel

Many aspiring authors set out to write the Great American Novel. I was born in South Africa, so that gives me a bit more leeway and creative control in my novel. Aside from the obvious fan-fiction (“What’s Chewebacca doing on the Lost island? Let’s find out!“), I’m going to write my Aquaman novel. Yes, that Aquaman. Something about Aquaman is just awesome, and I figure I’ll have a lot of time to just sort of sit there with a laptop and type while recovering. It was originally a toss-up between pulp romantic novels and Aquaman, but as I was writing this I got hungry for fish sticks, so Aquaman won.

3. Fake a British Accent

Please follow along with the thought process here. I was watching Back To The Future (a great documentary about lightning and Deloreans) when Doc Brown mentioned to Marty McFly something about the Florence Nightingale effect, where nurses fall in love with their patients. Hello. If I play my cards right, my hospital stay will be like a mix between the TV shows “Blind Date” and “Grey’s Anatomy”. If romantic comedies teach us anything, it’s that ladies love the British accent. If I fake a British accent during my hospital stay, chances are good I’ll be engaged by the time I’m discharged. This plan only applies to single people.

2. Entertain My Mum

My mum is going to fly out for a few weeks for the first possible surgery. You know how it goes, it’s the Law of the Mom. While I’m sedated and being a bum in the hospital bed, I’ll have to make sure she doesn’t get cabin fever and pass out from boredom. So I’m planning this out now. Bejeweled on the iPhone? Check. Professor Layton and The Curious Village for the Nintendo DS? Check. Three 200 page Sudoku puzzle books? Check. A Starbucks gift card? Check. Library card? Not yet.

1. Write a Eulogy For My Colon

Hopefully in haiku form.

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7 Responses to “Thanks To Jamie And Hospital Recovery Activities”

  1. avatar

    Eric says:

    February 19th, 2009 at 9:27 am

    is that a spider?

    [Reply]

  2. avatar

    Brevin says:

    February 19th, 2009 at 9:53 am

    That’s John Carpenter’s “The Thing” : )

    [Reply]

  3. avatar

    Lizz says:

    February 19th, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    You’re so funny, I love it! Be sure and post the haiku and invite us all to your wedding 😉

    [Reply]

  4. avatar

    Eric says:

    February 19th, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    What? He’s marrying “the thing”! Sweet!

    [Reply]

  5. avatar

    Elise says:

    June 10th, 2009 at 6:47 am

    Did you ever write your colon’s eulogy??

    [Reply]

  6. avatar

    eulogy father says:

    May 3rd, 2010 at 12:52 am

    Hey, this was a really outstanding article. I’d like to blog like this also – taking time and real effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I Am lazy and never seem to get something done.

    [Reply]

  7. avatar

    Halina says:

    August 28th, 2014 at 9:19 am

    I think this is one of the most important info for
    me. And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on few general things, The site style is great, the articles is
    really great : D. Good job, cheers

    [Reply]

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